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Ssdei: Captive to the Dark(6)

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A knock had me jerking upright.

“Yes?” I opened the shower door and stuck my head out so I could hear.

“You okay in there?”

Jordan.

Black drowned out the restroom as my lids closed. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

Was he done relaxing in the hot tub already? Why else would he be in his room? Too many questions entered my mind, but I overanalyzed everything. I knew that. I shut the door and pushed them away. He said something, but I ignored it as I hurried with washing my hair. The faster I was out and dressed, the better.

Within minutes, I was sliding on a one piece romper. The black, loose tube top connected at my waist to a pair of flowing pants. My pile of clothes rested against the counter and I reached down, grabbing them. A click filled the space as I unlocked Jordan’s side and rushed into my room, closing myself in. The inside of my bedroom door didn’t have a lock. My mind immediately raced.

Denying that it sent a thrill through me that Jordan might slip in while I slept would be a lie. As twisted as it was that I didn’t want him, I couldn’t help but want it to happen. It was one thing if he approached me with the intent to sleep with me. I knew I’d say no. The thought wasn’t appealing in the least. But doing something as daring as slipping into my bed and waking me with his touch. Now that turned me on.

Will you come? Surprise me and turn out to be someone you’re not?

Sadness took over. Why was I like this? Most women wouldn’t have that reaction. I’d battled this since my innocence was taken. Since the protector I’d grown up with followed me to my room after swim practice and raped me anally. He hadn’t managed to penetrate me fully before my muffled screams alerted another guard, but still. The damage was done. I’d thrown up from the combination of sheer pain and from the fact of who was hurting the breach of trust. For as long as I could remember, my parents always assured me Thomas would take care of me. They were wrong. From that day on, I was never the same.

Any sense of normalcy had vanished. This caged sex-addict was the person I was now, and somehow I needed to learn how to deal with that. The hate I felt for myself…it left me a complete mess. My brain battled with what was right and what was wrong. Everything opposite of good was what I wanted. Most people referred to normal sex as vanilla. I knew I was the furthest thing from that. If it didn’t involve pain or some sense of wrong, I didn’t want it.

“Mary! Dinner’s ready.”

The annoyance behind Bethany’s tone caused me to take a deep breath. I had to fix this. But, how? Pretend to be interested in Jordan? I didn’t want to lead him on. It might be great to fantasize about some late night rendezvous, but that’s about as far as it went. Relationship wise, I couldn’t see it happening.

Why did I come on this trip again?

Charles sat perched at the mahogany table, already picking at a large salad splayed across what looked to be china. A wooden serving bowl was centered in the middle and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it. Was this their idea of a meal? I was going to need more than leafy veggies to satisfy my hunger. Meat. That’s what I needed.

Plates were already set out and I took a seat across from my sister’s husband. Bethany smiled as she approached, but it looked completely fake.

“Thank you for this. It looks great.” Lie. It looked like a typical salad. Lettuce, carrots, mushrooms, black olives, and croutons. She placed three different dressings down before taking her seat next to Charles. The smile became genuine as Jordan slid in next to me. For the life of me, I tried ignoring him as I made my plate, but he was sitting so close the heat radiating from his skin was a constant reminder of my little fantasy.

“You’re really sticking to this vegetarian lifestyle. I didn’t think it would last.” Jordan took the tongs the moment I laid them down. Ranch dressing covered my veggies and I braved looking at my sister. I didn’t know she was a vegetarian. Apparently, I didn’t know anything about her.

A laugh came from Charles and Bethany nudged him. “When I say something, I mean it. Sorry you all have to suffer with me, but look on the bright side, it’s healthy.” Her eyes met mine and I gave her a grin. “So, Mary, why don’t you tell us what you’ve been up to these last few months? I think the last time we saw each other it was over Christmas.”

Did she care, or did she just want Jordan to learn more about me? “I’ve been really busy with school. Less than a year and I’ll have my Bachelors.”

“Daddy said you were doing great. Future shrink to the kiddies, right?”

The nonchalant way she’d said it had me pausing. To her, it was just a title. To me, it meant so much more. There was a chance I could help kids who came from abusive homes or had been through something similar to me. My therapist was the coldest person I’d ever met. I wouldn’t be like that. My title would put me in a position to help and I had every intention of doing just that. “Well, technically, but it’s pretty in depth.”

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